How do you apologize to an ex properly? If you are trying to get your ex back after breaking their trust it is important to give an apology. There are many problems that you can run into. For one, something that is super important that I will always repeat – it is important to stay calm! If you try to apologize to an ex by saying things like, “what the fuck!?! I said I was sorry, what else do you want??” It’s not going to help. If you show anger while apologizing to your ex it only shows that your apology is ungenuine and that you just want forgiveness. If you expect forgiveness you are less likely to get it.
Things to Remember When Giving Your Ex an Apology:
- Don’t lay blame on yourself or your partner while apologizing. For example don’t say: “I apologize. but you made me do it”
- Don’t beg for forgiveness.
- Don’t expect anything at all from them. Just because you gave your ex an apology does not mean they should forgive you.
The crucial elements of apologizing effectively are that it is genuine, calm, respectful, and understanding.
How To Apologize To An Ex For Something Big
First, don’t do it immediately. You have to wait or it’ll seem like begging or expecting forgiveness. After some time has passed it’s time to make the apology. Once it’s time to apologize make sure you do it in person. The example I use will be if you cheated on your ex.
- Determine the emotions: You first need to figure out how they feel. You don’t just want to say, “I know how you feel” without clarifying it. If you don’t know ask them, “Are you hurt or angry about this?” KEY POINT: YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE ITS NOT AN AGGRESSIVE TONE OF VOICE. It must be asked in a respectful and curious way. You want to ask them and then acknowledge it. For example, when they answer the question saying, “I am angry and hurt that you did that”. Say to them, “I understand why you would feel angry and hurt”. If you already know how they feel you can go ahead and just say, “I know that you must feel angry and hurt that I cheated on you”. This is different from just saying, “I know how you feel” because it points out the specific emotion. If you’re totally off they might be more mad but if you’re somewhat right they will be happy that you understand them and will be more likely to accept the apology.
- Take responsibility: Now that you know how your partner feels you need to take responsibility for causing these emotions. You have to tell them that you know that you made them feel this way and you need to share the way you feel about the situation. For example, “I understand that I caused you to feel angry and hurt. The reason I did what I did is because I felt lonely and insecure”.
- Explain how you felt after the mistake: After you made the mistake with your partner, how did you feel? Explain that to your partner. Tell them that you felt like you hurt them and you felt really bad about it. “After I did what I did I felt like I had hurt someone important to me. I felt very bad about it. And I just want to say…”.
- Apologize Without Expectation:: Tell them you are sorry without expecting anything from them. Just say, “I apologize for what I did and I know you probably can’t ever forgive me for it but I had to let you know. So once again, I apologize.”
- Silence: Now it’s time to shut up! If they have something to say then it is time to listen. If they don’t have anything to say, just walk away.
How To Apologize For Something Small
If it’s a small thing it’s good to apologize right away.
Apologizing for something small is easier. All you want to do is step 1 and then determine the emotions and take responsibility. So for example, you forgot about a dinner you schedule with your partner. All you do is say “You must feel abandoned” Then pause to listen. “I understand why you feel that way and I just want to say that I apologize. I just forgot about the dinner because I was focused on work. It’s my fault and I messed up. I hope you accept my apology.”